Tag Archives: matt bomer

The Second Semi-Annual Search Terms Review

And only seven months behind the first semi-annual search terms review, I’d say that “semi-annual” business can’t be refuted.  You can call me late to dinner (since I’m the one making it anyway), but don’t call me a liar.

Anyway, heading up the search terms pack, we have the ever present Anthony Kiedis and his mysterious penis.  Everyone apparently wants to know: What is it like?  Where does it hang out?  Does it have a nickname?  Do tricks?  Get into any hard-to-scratch places?

English: "Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). R...

English: “Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). Red Hot Chilli Pepper in concert at The Forum, Inglewood, California. Stadium Arcadium Tour.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As usual, I am just as curious and in the dark as the rest of you.  Apologies.

The next-highest is a newcomer in the search pool–experimental sex.  Fun!  Who doesn’t want to know more about experimental sex?  But I wonder what, specifically, my searchers hoped to find?  Experimental positions?  Bunsen burners and beakers kinda shit?  Kink (’cause Bunsen burners don’t fall under kink–right)?  Same sex couplings?  I don’t know.  I’d love to broaden my (and your) horizons, but I’m afraid the horizon is simply too broad.

That being said, I’ve got some kinky Dr. Jekyl/Mrs. Hyde stuff thrusting around my head at the moment.  It might bear further examination.

Third, our favorite Matt Bomer makes his appearance.  People want him to do porn.  That’s all I can deduce.  For the record, I would watch it.  Twice.

Our forth-place search is the ever delightful “Cowboy Erotica.”  We love sexy cowboys, and with good reason.  They’re sexy.  And they’re cowboys.

After a few more versions of Anthony Kiedis searches (cock size and fan fic), we, happily, have searches for me, Kimber Vale.  That makes sense, seeing as how this is my damn blog and not Anthony Kiedis’.  If, however, he wants author privileges here, I will grant them in exchange for a live measuring of the organ we’re all so interested in (measurements taken by Yours Truly, of course).

Now that the winners have been credited, lets roll on to the funny, the weird, and the downright disturbing…

Show me the sexiest cowboy calendar.”  It’s like “show me the money” or the answer to a  Jeopardy question.  Does this person always Google this way?  Seems like a lot of unnecessary typing.  Show me “free gay porn” for a thousand, Alex!

Gay songs for gay people.”  Not to be confused with gay songs for straight people.  Whatever, this search promises some fun tunes.  It must, because it landed someone on my blog, and I only post fun tunes.

Oh, wait.  That’s an angry tune for angry people.  Actually, I chose this because I am going to see these guys tomorrow night.  Buyah.

Best alcohol for an erection tequila.”  Sounds like you just answered your own question, buddy.

Romance novels that talk about fucking dick and pussy.”  Yup.  Next time, search erotica and save your fingers the trouble.

Why did you spank my clit Daddy?”  For the record, I don’t write this sub-genre of smut.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Seems this question would be better answered in an e-mail or phone call, rather than a Bing search.  Badda bing, badda bang, Daddy.

Why does anal sex feel so right yet so wrong?”  Who says it’s wrong?  Your mother?  Your proctologist?  Whatever!  It’s my ass, I’ll do with it what I want.  Someone pass me the Preparation H, will ya?

How does smurf in wizard of oz looks like?”  Excuse me.  What?

Draino margarita.”  Well, it’s an old family recipe, but since we’re so close and I trust you implicitly, I gift you with the deets.  Take one part Draino.  Mix with one part tequila.  Rocks or straight up, your choice.  Puke it into the sink with the slowest drain, flush both pipes with hot water, and see your doctor immediately.

Blow job plastic bib.”  I love this one!  I just picture a lobster bib only it has a picture of a huge, dripping cock on the front.  Tie one on before your next romantic encounter!  Monica Lewinsky sure wishes she did!  Slurp.

And, finally, “How do I talk dirty without being too VLOGGER.”  Just talk dirty on your BLOG, my friend.  Keep it church clean on the VLOG.  You Tube will totally ban you for that shit.

Thanks for all the fab search material, friends!  Don’t forget to tip your waiter!

-Kimber


The Next Big Thing

God, I love big things!  The fantastic J. Marie Ravenshaw, horror and erotica author extraordinaire, was sweet enough to tag me in The Next Big Thing.  If you’re not down with the blogingo, this game involves the taggee answering questions on his/her newest work in progress, and then tagging 5 more authors to do the same.

J. Marie did one hell of a rundown on her story, L’Escalier du Diable (The Devil’s Stairway), an erotic horror book (FUN!).  I am definitely looking forward to reading it when it comes out!

Now, I’m not sure I can do as comprehensive a job on my Next Big Thing post, but I’ll chalk my cue and give it a shot…

1. Name of my newest book:

It actually pains me to write it, as I recently changed it when another M/M rock star erotica book came out with a very similar name.  It was kinda like renaming a child after he’s been around for a few years: weird and sad.  Anyway, the current title is “Rock and Hard Places.”  Nobody freakin’ steal it or I will come after you with a meat cleaver!

2. Where did my idea come from?

I’m happy to say that it evolved from a fantastic spring/summer of concert-going. 🙂  I love my dual eye/ear candy and wanted to write about something that interests and inspires me in such an extreme way: bad-ass guys with guitars.

3.  What genre is my book?

Male/male contemporary erotic romance.

4.  Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Matthew Bomer

Matthew Bomer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oooo.  Well my actor for Alex Bremen is easy: Matt Bomer (with all of his muscles on) 😉  By the way, Matt Bomer could be straight as a pin, and he would still be perfect as Alex–exactly the gorgeous guy I pictured.

My rock star, Chance Ralan, is a bit tougher to peg.  I’m going to go with Josh Holloway.  He’ll need green contacts, black dyed hair with an inch of blond roots, and guyliner.

English: kristin.eonline.com - Comic-Con 2009 ...

English: kristin.eonline.com – Comic-Con 2009 – “Lost” Press Room – San Diego – July 25, 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Of course, both of my chosen actors are older than my late 20-something boys in the book, but, hey, it’s my hypothetical movie.

I also have a host of fun secondary characters, but I can’t spend that much time picking them out of the IMDb data base right now.  If Hollywood comes knocking, I’ll reconsider.

5. One line synopsis of my book:

Alex Bremen, journalist and documentary film producer, seeks out his rock star ex-boyfriend for revenge, but will  a rekindled romance spell disaster?

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?  I hope to publish with an erotica e-publisher when I’m done with edits.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?  I cranked the first 29K out in a matter of weeks–couldn’t type fast enough once these guys got in my head.  I broke for a number of side projects (round of edits on another MS, multiple short stories) and then got back on that horse.  I would say, about 2 months start to finish.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?  I have yet to read any rock star gay romances, although I see a few are out there.  I am a huge KA Mitchell fan and like to think readers who enjoy her books would like mine.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?  Wait a minute…didn’t I answer this?

10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?  Well, my bad boy Chance is a bit of a stone-cold asshole sometimes, but it’s tough not to love him anyway (as Alex well knows).  I like to think of him as my gay guy alter ego.  There is drinking, excessive cursing, tons of snark, and a dash or two of angst.  Oh, and hot-hot-hot man sex.

Yay!  I did it!  Now I have to tag 5 others…

I’ll mix it up with The Reclining Gentleman, JC Cassels, A Talk Behind Closed Doors, Alice Dark, and, finally, The Hook–who better be working on some new material by now. 🙂


Girls Who Write Boys Who Dig Boys Who Like Girls

You know the tune to sing to that, right?

If not, here you go.  Thank me later for the incredible ear worm.

Our talk today is about–you guessed it, girls who write boys who dig boys.  Don’t be discombobulated by my sketchy title.

Recently, I wrote a short gay erotica after reading some of the same.  For one, I like to flex my writing muscle, try new things, all that jazz.  My mom asked me, “How would you even know how to write that?”

Yeah, that’s right; I told my mom I was writing gay smut.  She’s my mom.  She has to love me no matter how far off the charts I go.  Besides, it’s just fun to see what she says.  If she wants to spend more time with her bible-thumping daughter, she’s entitled, but so far my writing proclivities haven’t boomeranged her in that direction.

Anyway, I didn’t tell her that I’ve done all the shit I write about; therefore, it’s really not too tough to write about.  Shock her, yes.  Give her a heart attack with confessions about blow jobs and anal sex—no.  Even I have my boundaries.

But, really, is it a huge stretch to imagine what two hot gay guys might get up to with a tube of lube and all the time in the world?  Nope.  In fact, a large percentage of M/M erotica authors are women.  Yes, men write it too, but the chicks are well represented.  And why not?

Is there some rule that non-lawyers can’t write a legal thriller?  Those without a medical background are incapable of producing the next Patricia Cornwell-esque novel?  Non-pet owners shouldn’t write characters who own dogs?As anything, you must do your homework.  The old adage, “write what you know” applies to an extent; in that, if you don’t know, you better find out.  Research–online, real live books, ask friends, whatever.  I wish I had a close gay friend so I could pick his brain.  And ask him for fashion advice.  But I don’t—yet.  So for now, I’ll stick to reading what others have written, trolling forums, and watching porn.

I’ll also keep DVR-ing Dr. G for when I get around to my autopsy mystery masterpiece.  You never know.

&&&&&&&&

Not to deviate too much from my topic, I also wanted to address the believability of females writing male characters and vice versa.  I read a blog post a little while back in which a woman was bashing a male author who had written from a female character’s POV.  Her beef was that he, apparently, did not have the slightest idea how women talk, think, behave, etc.  I did not read the original, so can’t weigh in on it.  I do, however, write horror on occasion, and I wonder if men generally shy away from female horror authors?  Also, do they dislike reading fiction with a female main character and/or dislike when women authors write from a male POV?

Just some thoughts, and if anyone has theories on this, lay it on me.  I am stone-cold curious.

Discuss. 

On a side note, I’m so glad they are letting that big ole lobster go free.  The guy that eats that bad boy would probably die immediatly of mercury poisoning anyway.  Bury ‘im with the plastic bib still on and melted butter running out of his nose.


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