Tag Archives: erotica M/M erotica

Color Me Scrooged: #Giveaway

I am the crappiest blogger in the New England area lately. Here’s to hopin’ someone pins a cyber-badge on my ass in honor of my shitastic laziness.

Well, the Christmas season is truly upon me. I’m done shopping, for better or worse–suck it up, children, you’re only getting six gifts per annoying jerkface this year and that is me totally overlooking some terrible behavior. Said kids are now home for a hot week and a half (read: Dear Lord, please help me to not murder anyone and bury him/her in the  backyard–that’s all I really want for Christmas. The ground is too frozen and it would be an awfully hard dig. Hell, I already have a bad back). People at the grocery store should watch how they look at me. I’m an asshole on the edge.

I usually put up two trees–a grown-up tree I put all purple, green, and blue ornaments on, with white lights and a silver garland, and a kid’s tree they can decorate with all their crappy kid things (within reason–there is still a red and blue theme involved, and I do move/remove ornaments that are not up to Kimber code).

This year I conveniently “forgot” about the kid tree and no one seemed to notice.

I also haven’t done real Christmas cards for a few years now. I still get them from old work friends and relatives, but I quit a while back. My husband gave me shit the first year and I was all like, ” Here’s the gargantuan list. Have at it, if it’s so important to you.” Needless to say, it didn’t happen.

My grandparents still get a hard copy–they are almost ninety and obviously not of the internet age. Everyone else gets an e-mail/Facebook picture of my kids with a holiday message for health and happiness, like my typing that will make it so. Like they give a shit. I doubt it. I mean, I’m still getting cards/pictures from people, and if they aren’t on Facebook, it’s interesting to see which parent the kids are looking like this year, but otherwise, it’s a colossal waste of money and trees. Also energy. Lazyass Scrooge that I’ve become, I couldn’t possible dedicate hours to Christmas cards.

Anyhow, anyone out there care to out-Scrooge me?  I’ll give the Scroogiest commenter an e-copy of my novelette “Bound by Ink.” Well, I can’t be all bitch if I’m giving stuff away, right? Okay, maybe I still can…

I dare you to out-Scrooge me!

Blurb:

On an alternate Earth, Key has his marriage ink placed out of duty to his friend, Kaya, but realizes his mistake too late. He runs from the woman and her family, desperate to find a happiness that is sure to elude him in his village full of narrow-minded people. In the wilderness he discovers Dax, a man who left their tribe to seek his own freedom. Lust sparks between them, but with Kaya’s father on the hunt for Key, and Key’s own guilt plaguing him, will the two fugitives be able to find their happily ever after?

-Kimber


Cyber Monday on All Romance! 50% off and Freebies!

Just a heads-up, folks. In case you’ve been thinking about picking up one of my books (or someone else’s), but couldn’t shell out the cashola, here is your chance to get them at half price!

This is one day only, so jump on it now. 🙂

Forever is Now for $2.50 (read it now before book 2 comes out!)foreverisnow

Star Catcher for $2.50

Bound by Ink for $.99!

Lust in Time for $4.00

Slave for Love: A Vampire BDSM Anthology for $3.50

And there are cyber-tons more! Just look for the books with the little crown emblem on them to qualify for the 1/2 off rebate.

Oh, and Geek Lust has been free over there for a while now, if you need to save all your pennies for the holidays, but still want something spicy for your road trips. 🙂

Also, if you haven’t read my free gymnast and the nerd M/M Sticking It, the download links are here.

Happy Reading!

-Kimber


Dirty Talk Dos and Don’ts

Don’t shout.  All caps, and loads of exclamation marks are not only jarring in the written word; they are equally disturbing in the bedroom.  “OH, FUCK, YES!!!!!!!!  SPANK MY ASS, DADDY!!!!!”  Even if he doesn’t mind being called daddy, this is gonna kill the mood.

The Overly Dirty Talker at The Frisky

The Overly Dirty Talker at The Frisky (Photo credit: rachelkramerbussel.com)

Do whisper, or strive for that just-smoked-a-pack-of-unfiltered-cigarettes-voice.  “Ooooh yeah.  I love the feel of your hand spanking my ass.”  Better.  My personal preference?  Lose the daddy/daughter/son roleplay business.  But, hey, to each his own.  I won’t tell you how to dirty talk if you don’t tell me how to dirty talk.  Oh, wait a minute…forget it.

Do ask questions.  “Do you like it when I put my finger in your ass, baby?”  “How does my wet pussy feel wrapped around your hard cock, stud?”  This is a good conversation starter.  Try it.  Ya never know.

Don’t ask questions the wrong way.  “What are you doing down there?”  “Did you think that was my clit?”  Or, “What the fuck?!”

If you know he doesn’t like your finger in his ass, or if he just likes to pretend it isn’t happening even though he does like it, don’t ask him the ass question either.

Don’t laugh while you’re talking.  If it feels too weird to murmur, “Bite my nipples,” then just skip it this time.  Practice alone, or with your best girlfriend.  When you’ve mastered saying it with nothing more than a lascivious grin, try again.  Laughter is a sure-fire ticket to Flacid Penisville.

Do giggle seductively.  Big difference.  You can pair this with the daddy talk, pony tails, and knee-high socks.  They work well together.

Don’t rhyme.

No.  Really.  Don’t do it.  I can’t even bring myself to give an example.

Don’t use purple prose.  “You’re going to make my hidden flower bloom, my darling! Yes, cleave me fiercely with your manroot!”  This could be disconcerting if not downright sickening to your lover.  He’s not plowing the freakin’ fields here.  Okay, maybe in a metaphorical sense, but let that shit stay in the musty coffins of seventies romance novels.  Yeah, we all cut our teeth on them, but it doesn’t mean flouncey junk like that is sexy.

Do use real words.  Real dirty ones.  No penis or labia talk, either.  It’s cock and pussy, and he is going to make you come if he keeps doing that with his tongue.  Whoops, that rhymed.  “Fuck” is a good one–you can’t go wrong with the most vulgar expression your dirty little imagination can come up with.  Shoot for the stars.  Beg for a creampie!  By the way, I prefer come to cum, and if anyone has a problem with it, they can go blow.

Don’t ask your partner to do it if you aren’t willing to pony up some sordid sentences of your own.  For one thing, if you ask every time you have sex, your partner might be offended and think that you don’t find him/her sexy enough.  He/She will think you need the dirty talk just to get off.  Trust me, if you are constantly asking, but never reciprocating, it could become a bad thing.

Do talk dirty to try to get your partner to jump in.  You may find you actually enjoy it, and the person you’re with may not feel too self-conscious if you do it first.  In the end, you never know what some people are comfortable with, and what turns them on or off.  Experiment.  If it’s not working, try something new, or, as in the case of the guy who incessantly asked for dirty talk; break up with him.

Life’s too short to waste your time having selfless sex.

-Kimber


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