Here I am researching for a certain sex scene I need to get cracking on. I dig the idea, I’m just a little shy in the practical experience. So, I do what anyone would do–I Google. It’s not like I can go to the library and ask my friendly librarian for direction on a good book that answers the age-old question, “Would tequila on someone’s cock and balls hurt?”
So, Answers.com pops up with a promising lead (by promising I mean, it promises to be funny).
“Does rubbing boiling tequila on your penis make it grow?” Some poor soul wants to know.
There is only one answer: “I haven’t tried this yet but maybe. The alcohol in the tequila might make blood flow faster and so give you a bigger erection. Try it”
Go ahead! Try it! Boil some tequila and pour it on your most sensitive body part! You know, the one you need for both urination and procreation? Just give it the old college try!
Sometimes that’s the only way to find the answers to the questions we seek. Sometimes, Answers.com, Oh Wise Buddha of Endless Knowledge that it is–sometimes even it doesn’t have all the answers.
Now this blog post–http://justanotherboozeblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/5-worst-liquors-to-put-on-your-penis.html–superficially appeared to be what I was looking for. It is a list of the top five worst liquors to put on your penis. Good, right? Tequila is number one. Looks like I need a new idea. Only problem is, the author does not seem to have actually tried it. He’s surmising. He jokes about dipping balls in a wide-mouthed glass, too, which isn’t precisely what I had in mind, but I must say, I like the way Snrub thinks. Interestingly enough, he also says that it’s okay to drink it off of a woman’s body.
Hmmm. I’m not writing it off just yet. I’m also not writing it just yet.
Finally, I stumbled upon this very cringe-worthy compilation of the worst masturbation ideas ever. I do so love the internet. There are some damn creative (and stupid) people out there! I made it about halfway through and had to take a break. Too many ER visits for genitalia-related injuries were killing my sexy muse. But, in case you are wondering: http://www.collegeslackers.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=11097
Read it and weep.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is, I’ll be setting up a laboratory in my basement for sexual experimentation. I’ll require volunteers. Perks include all the tequila you can drink off your own body and enough cat hair from my dungeon cat to knit an itchy white sweater-vest.
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- Can’t Decide Which Tequila to Enjoy On National Tequila Day? Tres Agaves Tequilas Recognized as Industry Leaders and Sweep the Ultimate Cocktail Challenge 2012 (prweb.com)
- 5 Silver Tequilas You Should Try (drinks.seriouseats.com)
- Tequila Tasting With El Bandito (liverpoolfoodblog.co.uk)
- In which I sample an authentic — (atfirstglass.com)
- Tequila’s Growing Bite (foxnews.com)