Tag Archives: Anthony Kiedis

The Next Big Thing–Bigger and Badder

This is like Die Harder, because I’ve done this already.  Maybe I should have titled this “The Next Big Thing–Judgement Day.”  Hey, it’s a different book I’m answering questions about, so perfectly legit.  Don’t get your tighty whities all in a bunch.

Anyway, I was tagged by Velvet Panic, a M/M romance blog spearheaded by the lovely Janice Matthews.  Go check out her blog post on her WIP, “Hunter.” It’s a sexy read so far.  I know this, because I’ve sampled it.

Now, about me…

What is the working title of your book?

“Double Takes,” book two in my Shooting Stars series

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Book one in my Shooting Stars series, duh.  “Rock and Hard Places” is the first book.  My MC in “Double Takes,” Gio Savale, had a walk-on role in RaHPs.  Mainly, I wanted to find a way to meet up with my boys Chance and Alex again.  In the process, I have fallen in love with Gio and his boyfriend Lance. I’m 2/3 of the way done with the book and we haven’t even seen the boys from RaHPs yet.  But we will…oh, we will [rubs hands together like I have something evil planned even though I don’t–actually it will be a barrel of monkeys].

What is the genre of the book?

M/M Erotic Romance

Which actors would you choose to play your main characters in a movie rendition?

Gio would be played by Anthony Kiedis ten years ago.  Surprise, surprise.

English: Anthony Kiedis, frontman of the Red H...

English: Anthony Kiedis, frontman of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in July 2006 Deutsch: Der Frontmann der Red Hot Chili Peppers, Anthony Kiedis, im Juli 2006 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lance would be played by Tom Hardy.   I’m getting a little hot just thinking about it.  Tom Hardy does that to me.  Actually, so does Anthony Kiedis.  Okay, moving on.

What is your one sentence synopsis of the book?

Ugh.

No!  That wasn’t it!  There is too much going on for one sentence!

Okay…my attempts at a log line.  Go!

Love comes when Gio Savale least expects it and from the most unlikely person, but can he conquer both his and Lance’s demons to win their happily ever after?

I say yes, and quite frankly, I’m in charge here.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency/publisher?

I plan to submit to a publisher.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

It’s not done yet!  I started it for a half-assed NaNoWriMo.  Been chipping away at it ever since.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Ummmmm….

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Reading KA Mitchell just to see what all the boy on boy fuss was about inspired my love of M/M, so let’s just give her credit in a broad sense.  My love of music and concerts and sexy-fine rock stars inspired me to write the series.  Of course, the third book is about Kyrie, a drama queen to the gills.  No, really.  He wants to be an actor, so he can still be a Shooting Star (double entendre intended–get it?  Get it?), but he’s no rocker.  He is funny, fruity, and endearingly naive, though.  I’m looking forward to writing his story next.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

“Double Takes” grabs that rock star from his pedestal and throws him down in the ring of hard knocks.  Gio is going through a rough patch and I think it’s fun to show a famous person struggling through all the crap the not-so-beautiful people have to endure (financial problems, divorce, a child custody battle, unsavory characters trying to take advantage of him, and love with—oh my—another guy of all things, who also happens to come with his fair share of baggage).  So far, I am having a lot of fun with this story. 😉

Oh, and there is also hot man love that isn’t consummated for a while, so, yes I am a bit of a tease in this one. ❤

I’m going to tag my buddy Tallulah Rose.  Can’t wait to see what she’s working on these days.  I’m also tagging the wonderful Jadette Paige, fellow M/M author and she of “The Story Behind the Book” blog.  Check ’em out!

Over and out.

-Kimber


The Second Semi-Annual Search Terms Review

And only seven months behind the first semi-annual search terms review, I’d say that “semi-annual” business can’t be refuted.  You can call me late to dinner (since I’m the one making it anyway), but don’t call me a liar.

Anyway, heading up the search terms pack, we have the ever present Anthony Kiedis and his mysterious penis.  Everyone apparently wants to know: What is it like?  Where does it hang out?  Does it have a nickname?  Do tricks?  Get into any hard-to-scratch places?

English: "Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). R...

English: “Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). Red Hot Chilli Pepper in concert at The Forum, Inglewood, California. Stadium Arcadium Tour.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As usual, I am just as curious and in the dark as the rest of you.  Apologies.

The next-highest is a newcomer in the search pool–experimental sex.  Fun!  Who doesn’t want to know more about experimental sex?  But I wonder what, specifically, my searchers hoped to find?  Experimental positions?  Bunsen burners and beakers kinda shit?  Kink (’cause Bunsen burners don’t fall under kink–right)?  Same sex couplings?  I don’t know.  I’d love to broaden my (and your) horizons, but I’m afraid the horizon is simply too broad.

That being said, I’ve got some kinky Dr. Jekyl/Mrs. Hyde stuff thrusting around my head at the moment.  It might bear further examination.

Third, our favorite Matt Bomer makes his appearance.  People want him to do porn.  That’s all I can deduce.  For the record, I would watch it.  Twice.

Our forth-place search is the ever delightful “Cowboy Erotica.”  We love sexy cowboys, and with good reason.  They’re sexy.  And they’re cowboys.

After a few more versions of Anthony Kiedis searches (cock size and fan fic), we, happily, have searches for me, Kimber Vale.  That makes sense, seeing as how this is my damn blog and not Anthony Kiedis’.  If, however, he wants author privileges here, I will grant them in exchange for a live measuring of the organ we’re all so interested in (measurements taken by Yours Truly, of course).

Now that the winners have been credited, lets roll on to the funny, the weird, and the downright disturbing…

Show me the sexiest cowboy calendar.”  It’s like “show me the money” or the answer to a  Jeopardy question.  Does this person always Google this way?  Seems like a lot of unnecessary typing.  Show me “free gay porn” for a thousand, Alex!

Gay songs for gay people.”  Not to be confused with gay songs for straight people.  Whatever, this search promises some fun tunes.  It must, because it landed someone on my blog, and I only post fun tunes.

Oh, wait.  That’s an angry tune for angry people.  Actually, I chose this because I am going to see these guys tomorrow night.  Buyah.

Best alcohol for an erection tequila.”  Sounds like you just answered your own question, buddy.

Romance novels that talk about fucking dick and pussy.”  Yup.  Next time, search erotica and save your fingers the trouble.

Why did you spank my clit Daddy?”  For the record, I don’t write this sub-genre of smut.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Seems this question would be better answered in an e-mail or phone call, rather than a Bing search.  Badda bing, badda bang, Daddy.

Why does anal sex feel so right yet so wrong?”  Who says it’s wrong?  Your mother?  Your proctologist?  Whatever!  It’s my ass, I’ll do with it what I want.  Someone pass me the Preparation H, will ya?

How does smurf in wizard of oz looks like?”  Excuse me.  What?

Draino margarita.”  Well, it’s an old family recipe, but since we’re so close and I trust you implicitly, I gift you with the deets.  Take one part Draino.  Mix with one part tequila.  Rocks or straight up, your choice.  Puke it into the sink with the slowest drain, flush both pipes with hot water, and see your doctor immediately.

Blow job plastic bib.”  I love this one!  I just picture a lobster bib only it has a picture of a huge, dripping cock on the front.  Tie one on before your next romantic encounter!  Monica Lewinsky sure wishes she did!  Slurp.

And, finally, “How do I talk dirty without being too VLOGGER.”  Just talk dirty on your BLOG, my friend.  Keep it church clean on the VLOG.  You Tube will totally ban you for that shit.

Thanks for all the fab search material, friends!  Don’t forget to tip your waiter!

-Kimber


The First Semiannual Search Terms Review

Raise your hand if you have a blog.  Now keep it in the air if you love to look at the search terms that landed people on said blog.  Wave it back and forth over your head à la that annoying geek in trig class if someone has ever Googled “Smurf Fetish” and ended up on your blog.

My hand is waving like a smoker watching Poison do “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” during a 1988 concert.  Don’t worry if yours is not–I didn’t say Simon Says, anyway.

One of my favorite things to do when checking out my blog stats, is to see what crazy searches resulted in people stopping by my little online hole-in-the-wall.

And speaking of holes in the walls, yes, the phrase “glory hole Coachella” resulted in a visit to my humble site not too long ago.  Oh, to be a fly on that wall.  I bet there were many.

Some of these search terms thrill me to death in a twisted sort of way–such searches as, “Why is necrophilia seen as so wrong?” and “Erotic Horror Stranglings,” for instance.  “Beast necrophilia” and “necrophilia how?” give me a moment of pause, as does “Strangling Woman in boots.”  Just things that make you go hmmm…

And then there are the ones that leave me downright confounded, like “hemero wizard of oz,” and “men anal blow jobs how to give.”  Hemero means day, so is there a national Wizard of Oz Day I’m unaware of?  Not that it’s a bad idea.  I mean, if it comes down to a vote, I say yea.  I’m dying to see a horse of a different color and to try to get a five-finger-discount on a new broom stick.  Incidentally, if anyone out there knows how to give men anal blow jobs, I’d appreciate a diagram just in case I’m missing something.

I’m always looking for new acts to add to my repertoire.

“I love sex” and “cock lust” searches tickle me pink and warm the subcockles of my heart.  And I want to meet the person who Bings “Watch sextraterrestrials porn.”  I think we’d get along just smurfily.  I’ll even bring the popcorn, but also a blanket because I don’t want to sit directly on your couch for our movie night.  Sorry.  It’s not you, it’s me.

Other searches, unfortunately, leave me feeling inadequate.  I mean, when someone looks for “Matthew Bomer Erotica,” and my site doesn’t deliver, I feel like I’m letting my readers down.  Oddly, nearly every piece of erotica I write lately seems to have a guy who looks just like Matthew Bomer, but I’ve never flat-out said so on my blog before.  Weird.

And regarding making most of my studs clones of The Bomer, who can blame me?  He’s delicious.  Anyway, I am now on an intense search for Bomer erotic fan-fiction.  I do this for my followers and, well, let’s just say I feel obligated to hunt some down and preview it multiple times.

When I saw that a gentle reader searched high and low for “How big is Anthony Kiedis‘ penis?” I was heartbroken to know that I had disappointed him or her.  Until I can get Anthony’s digits (and believe me, I will try), might I suggest checking out the old-school sock performance, just to get a rough idea?

And then there was “the twilight saga film series awards” search, to which I politely say, “WTF????”

Finally, I leave you with the question “What movies Vale Kimber star in?”  I can only surmise that someone else surmises I’m a porn star.  Aficionado, maybe.  Fan?  Certainly.  But, the closest I ever came to making a sex movie was contemplating stripping in college.  And possibly some nonconsensual photos during a drunken screw of the same era.  And maybe the security camera that always seemed to be trained outside my dorm room window picked up something I was never mailed a copy of.

I pulled my blinds most of the time, I swear.

But anyway, no.  As much fun as it probably would be to reign as porn queen, I’m afraid I cannot accept this award.  But to all of my fans out there, I say thanks for your support!  I couldn’t be where I am right now without you!

Or maybe I could…

Where the hell am I, anyway?  Hey, who’s that man behind the curtain?!  Please excuse me.  I’m off to go grab his broomstick and possibly give him an anal blow job.


Top 10 Reasons Why Women Should Objectify Men

1.   They’ve been doing it to us since the dawn of media, if not the dawn of time.  Fair is fair, fuckers.

2.    It’s so much fun!  Try it the next time the high school track team is running down the road shirtless.  Objectifying underage men is even better than ogling the 18+ variety.  It feels twice as wrong and therefore twice as nice.  If you get caught, just say you were checking out the coach.  Incidentally, you were doing both.

3.    Makes you feel like a teenager again.  You know, when you used to daydream about the cute basketball-playing senior changing in the locker room, back before you even knew what to do with a naked guy and it made you all sick to your stomach and excited at the same time?  You can still kinda get a tiny taste of that sensation when you stare at some stranger’s package and try to figure out how his basketballs are hanging.

4.    I love the fact that I slow down for cop cars, not because I am afraid of being pulled over, but to see if there are any hotties in uniform patrolling my area.  Suddenly I’m the one patrolling and it’s quite empowering.  And makes cops less scary.  And men in uniform–yum.

5.   You know when they make you stop at the light that is hardly ever red in front of the fire station?  Most people probably pound on their steering wheel in frustration as the slow-moving fire truck is painfully parked while you wait.  Not me.  It’s a free pass to check out the guys with the big hoses.  Think of how less-stressed I am because I embrace that time.  If I play my cards right, I may even need a hose-down after all of my fine imagining.

6.     Bellmen are watching you.  Give it right back.  Yes, that is for you, Hook.

7.     According to some Catholic blog post I read, objectifying your husband can be a marriage-wrecker.  I was stunned.  If I gazed longingly at my old man’s junk, I’m thinking it can only help the relationship.  Went on to read that if you are objectifying your spouse by picturing him as a human check book then all is not fine in Marriage Land.

My advise?  You need to balance your Daddy Warbucks drooling with a little cock drooling and there is your happily ever after.  You owe me twenty bucks for the counseling.

8.     Makes family reunions more fun.  Just kidding.  That was for the guy at one of our family reunions a couple of years back who said, in all seriousness, “I came here for the chicks.”  Don’t ask how many teeth he had.  I didn’t stick around long enough to count the holes.  Unfortunately, he guarded the keg the whole time.

9.     Those playing cards from the seventies—the ones with naked guys on the back—are the funniest shit you will ever see.  No lie.  It’s entertaining to imagine how they pulled all of their business out of the bottom of their short-shorts and then got themselves hard for the picture.  And what were they doing playing tennis in denim short-shorts sans tighty-whities in the first place?  What’s with that cowboy hat?  Are these for straight women or gay men. Both?  Holy afro, Batman!  I just peed my pants laughing!

10.     And the tenth reason to objectify men….   Good eye candy makes for good jerking off later.

So get out there and ogle, ladies!  Tell ’em Kimber sent ya.


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