I am the crappiest blogger in the New England area lately. Here’s to hopin’ someone pins a cyber-badge on my ass in honor of my shitastic laziness.
Well, the Christmas season is truly upon me. I’m done shopping, for better or worse–suck it up, children, you’re only getting six gifts per annoying jerkface this year and that is me totally overlooking some terrible behavior. Said kids are now home for a hot week and a half (read: Dear Lord, please help me to not murder anyone and bury him/her in the backyard–that’s all I really want for Christmas. The ground is too frozen and it would be an awfully hard dig. Hell, I already have a bad back). People at the grocery store should watch how they look at me. I’m an asshole on the edge.
I usually put up two trees–a grown-up tree I put all purple, green, and blue ornaments on, with white lights and a silver garland, and a kid’s tree they can decorate with all their crappy kid things (within reason–there is still a red and blue theme involved, and I do move/remove ornaments that are not up to Kimber code).
This year I conveniently “forgot” about the kid tree and no one seemed to notice.
I also haven’t done real Christmas cards for a few years now. I still get them from old work friends and relatives, but I quit a while back. My husband gave me shit the first year and I was all like, ” Here’s the gargantuan list. Have at it, if it’s so important to you.” Needless to say, it didn’t happen.
My grandparents still get a hard copy–they are almost ninety and obviously not of the internet age. Everyone else gets an e-mail/Facebook picture of my kids with a holiday message for health and happiness, like my typing that will make it so. Like they give a shit. I doubt it. I mean, I’m still getting cards/pictures from people, and if they aren’t on Facebook, it’s interesting to see which parent the kids are looking like this year, but otherwise, it’s a colossal waste of money and trees. Also energy. Lazyass Scrooge that I’ve become, I couldn’t possible dedicate hours to Christmas cards.
Anyhow, anyone out there care to out-Scrooge me? I’ll give the Scroogiest commenter an e-copy of my novelette “Bound by Ink.” Well, I can’t be all bitch if I’m giving stuff away, right? Okay, maybe I still can…
I dare you to out-Scrooge me!
On an alternate Earth, Key has his marriage ink placed out of duty to his friend, Kaya, but realizes his mistake too late. He runs from the woman and her family, desperate to find a happiness that is sure to elude him in his village full of narrow-minded people. In the wilderness he discovers Dax, a man who left their tribe to seek his own freedom. Lust sparks between them, but with Kaya’s father on the hunt for Key, and Key’s own guilt plaguing him, will the two fugitives be able to find their happily ever after?
-Kimber
Kimber Vale 
December 22nd, 2013 at 6:56 pm
I punched my hubby in the stomach for complaining about my cooking today (during first Christmas with half the family present). Then I disinvited the other half of the family from coming to Christmas Day. Now that my blood has stopped boiling, I’m supposed to re-invite them, but I kind of think– why bother? I already embarrassed myself and now I get a quiet Christmas. Still deciding what to do. Cheers, Scrooge!
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December 22nd, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Well, MC Scrooger, you just may have me beat. Did you, perchance, also skip out on your child singing at the church Christmas pageant this morning? Bonus Scrooge points, if so! I’ll be sending you a fruitcake immediately. Fruitcake makes everything better.
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December 22nd, 2013 at 9:22 pm
Loved your post. Made me laugh. Some how everything goes OK whether you ave everything or not. Merry Christmas
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December 23rd, 2013 at 8:29 am
Thanks, Debra! Have a holly jolly one, yourself! 🙂
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December 22nd, 2013 at 10:28 pm
This is my favorite christmas movie. Does that count?
We’re pretty low key here. No kids, just cats. SO family is 2000 miles, away, and I’m not speaking to most of mine.
that’s how we like it 🙂
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December 23rd, 2013 at 8:39 am
I need to check my DVR listings and see if it’s on in the next few days. I haven’t gotten my yearly fix yet. Are your cats getting anything for Christmas, Ms. Heloise? Not speaking to family is pretty hardcore, IMO. 🙂
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December 23rd, 2013 at 12:47 am
I’ve decided no one’s going to be getting Christmas presents or celebrating it this year in my household and I’m not going give out any cards or greetings either. It just feels like no one appreciates anything anymore unless it’s an electronic. Nothing special is planned for Christmas day, its going to be a regular good/bad day.
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December 23rd, 2013 at 8:41 am
Wow, H.B.! I doff my Grinch hat to you! 🙂
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December 23rd, 2013 at 6:33 am
I ended up walking out of my Mother-in laws house with my children before the Christmas dinner was dished up. My hubby’s brother decided that my daughter could have the left over crayons (about 5) and bits of paper whilst their other niece got the whole craft package (they removed the few they gave my daughter). Big argument followed as I always say don’t ever take it out on my children even if you don’t like me. I can safely say I never went back to them over Christmas as they sided with his brother.
I know people will say it is never about what you receive and you should be grateful but try telling that to a 5 year old.
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December 23rd, 2013 at 8:57 am
Well played, Bobbie! I totally agree that the holiday is about the kids. End of story. We used to have a gift card exchange with my brother-in-law and his wife and our kids (3 of theirs, 3 of ours, with an entire country between us). Finally, I was like, “Can we just be done with this? We’ll buy ourselves something if we want it. You do the same.” I just found gift cards they sent to my stinkers two years ago. I’d stuck them in a basket that got filled with random crap and eventually made its way to the basement. It only confirmed that I was right to end that tradition.
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December 24th, 2013 at 3:22 pm
I totally agree, with 15 niece’s and nephew’s now it is so much easier for me to get my children what they want and saves on the arguments. So much easier to end things like this and keep the peace.
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