Did you sing that horrible song when you read the title? A small, malicious part of me hopes so. >:-) Oh! I didn’t mean anything Bon Jovi, although this is a musical entry, I must say. Anyway, allow me to serenade you while we go at it, here.
The Slippery When Wet Blog Hop begins today, and I am ill-prepared. Or maybe too prepared. Anyway, I have a blog post I penned a while back, which seemed too risqué to send to other places as a guest blog, but is just right tonight after realizing I have two hours to get this sweetheart posted. Enter: The Art of Writing Male/Male Anal.
The Art of Writing M/M Anal
This won’t be comprehensive, but how about the basics for virgin author’s everywhere who want to delve into the great “Do Not Enter?” Sometimes it’s not just an exit, ladies and gentleman, but there are a couple of things we’re going to need in order to get this bird off the ground. So wave your magic pen and produce these magical items:
1. Condom. This baby gets top billing for most smut peddlers the world over. Publishing houses, generally speaking, are pretty firm on the “No Creampie” rule. That’s not to say you can’t sneak them in once in a while, especially in short stories which are more likely to fall into the erotica without romance or stupid people having risky sex categories (read: one seat closer to the almighty porn throne). I wrote a short for Shane Allison’s Bad Boy anthology with Cleis Press (which should be out soon, actually) and had a bank robber getting it on with a hostage right after the hold up. Needless to say, there were no condoms available at the hideout in the woods. Obviously plot factors into your safe sex decision.
Also, if your MCs are in a serious, committed relationship, and you’ve laid that on the line—maybe even with a side note on VD testing (archaic term that is so Pretty in Pink it makes me smile–no, wait, I think that was Sixteen Candles)—you can go ahead and get really nasty. But—general rule of thumb—have a rubber in someone’s pocket/drawer/under the seat of their car/in the little booze container around their faithful St. Barnard’s neck. Whatever. Non-human exceptions exist as well. Aliens don’t carry AIDS and all you need is a rabies shot to get it on with a wolf shifter.
2. Lube. This runs alongside the condom. For one, rubbers—even if they say lubricated—are going to make things, shall we say, rougher, than skin on skin. Also, chicks have the built-in lube. That’s right, we can make our own, so in vaginal sex no one gets bent out of shape if a bottle of K-Y isn’t sitting on your fictional dresser. But M/M? The human ass needs a helping hand (full of spit or jelly). Spit isn’t the best, but it’s always available unless they are trapped in the Sahara, in which case, I doubt they’re feeling too amorous.
3. A little foreplay. Even if you’ve got the rubber on your big burly top, he’s squirted an entire bottle of love-lotion on his long-stocking, and his pretty boyfriend is face-down-ass-up, it isn’t nice to just stick it in without a little preamble. Rimming works, but if your guys aren’t so inclined, a gradual finger work-up is really the kinder, gentler thing to do than insta-penetration.
4. Mention of the prostate. No, it isn’t a prostrate like your mother-in-law calls it. That means lying down with your face smashed into a pillow, which may well be the case with your sexy little bottom who happens to be getting his prostate hammered by his bear. Not necessarily something you MUST mention, but seems to be a huge factor in the pleasure experience for the guy getting fucked. I don’t know. I don’t have one myself, and frankly I feel robbed. I’m going to go write my congressman right now.
5. The grand finale! I don’t need to tell you how to do this, really. The world is your orgasm oyster. Have a fire hose showdown if you like. One thing to remember is that if the guy on bottom gets off first, I hear tell having a big dick in his ass for an extended time after can be uncomfortable. Again, I can’t verify this personally and I can’t ask my husband. I also can’t take part in a fire hose showdown. Robbed again. Why else do you think I write this stuff? It’s the closest I can cum, er come, I’m afraid. 😥
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There you have it! Now go out there and write some hot manlove. Who knows? You could be a natural! If you don’t feel comfortable doing it yourself, feel free to comment below for a chance to win my e-book “Forever is Now” and I’ll be happy to provide it for you.
In your comment, you may tell me your favorite 80’s song/movie or must-have male/male gettin’-it-on accouterments I missed. Fire at will, contest open all over the universe, and don’t forget to check out all the other blogs and comment like a mother-fucker. Every comment on every stop gets you one step closer to the $50 gift card giveaway. I don’t make the rules, I just play by them (yeah, right).
-Kimber
This is a Blog Hop!
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Kimber Vale 
October 11th, 2013 at 8:30 am
Hmmm. A favourite 80’s movie for me as to be Coming to America. I still watched it last week and laughed my socks off. All time fav and Eddie Murphy nailed it: The proud prince of Zamunda. Lol.
siteno.ebulu@gmail.com
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October 11th, 2013 at 10:13 am
Oh, Eddie Murphy was awesome–Beverly Hills Cop, The Golden Child…so flippin’ funny!
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October 11th, 2013 at 9:00 am
I’m dating myself, :P, but I wasn’t alive in the 80s! And I’m pretty sure you hit all the must-haves for anal…. Although a must-have for me, is some kind of emotional attachment. Sex for the sake of it isn’t too interesting for me to read.
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October 11th, 2013 at 10:15 am
Come on, Ashley! You don’t ever watch movies older than you are? 😉 I agree with the emotion addition. Good call!
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October 11th, 2013 at 11:15 am
LOL! I loved your post! Thank you for participating!
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October 11th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Did someone say Eddie Murphy?? I was such a die hard fan of his–we’re the same age, and it kinda watched I’m grow up.
Urb
brendurbanist@gmail.com
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October 11th, 2013 at 5:09 pm
Every time I read a m/m sex scene without the mention of lube or spit or any kind of prep, I cringe. Poor guy 😦
Oh, My favorite 80’s movie was Weird Science (even writing the name has the that terribly catchy theme song playing through my head)
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October 11th, 2013 at 6:59 pm
I still like the original BACK TO THE FUTURE…
vitajex(at)aol(dot)com
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October 12th, 2013 at 8:09 am
Loved your post! And I think I’ll go with the Original FOOTLOOSE from the 80s! yum yum!!!
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October 12th, 2013 at 9:31 am
That was a great post. Loved the levity.
debby236 at gmail dot com
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October 13th, 2013 at 1:50 am
any Madonna song
bn100candg at hotmail dot com
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October 13th, 2013 at 2:51 am
My favorite 80s movie was Dirty Dancing. 80’s song I would have to say is “I drove all night” by Cyndi Lauper.
Lisahelo(at)outlook(dot)com
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October 13th, 2013 at 7:46 am
Oh, I love Cyndi Lauper–and that song in particular. Have She’s So Unusual in the car right now, as a matter of fact.
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October 13th, 2013 at 2:55 am
My fave 80’s movie is Mannequin (wonder how many people remember this one). Love the theme song Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now. Oh and Legend of Billie Jean…go Helen Slater!
Nidabland@msn.com
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October 13th, 2013 at 4:27 pm
The 80s were kind of a blur to me, I was dealing with teenage daughters and a lousy failing marriage for most of them. I did love Dirty Dancing as it took me back to a better time of my life. My favorite music will always remain 60s and earlier rock and roll and DooWop. I am an old broad after all and we do get set in our ways.
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October 14th, 2013 at 6:21 pm
Oopsie
ocanana@gmail.com
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October 13th, 2013 at 7:02 pm
Raiders of the Lost Ark would be my favorite 1980’s film.
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October 13th, 2013 at 8:52 pm
Great post! I think my contribution to it would be two things I’ve read from male authors as issues in m/m books. One is the bottom leaking out after the top has pulled out post-climax. He pointed out that an anus will close up tight and won’t be leaking out afterward. The other from another author goes hand-in-hand (pun intended) with your last one. Authors will have one partner bringing the other to climax with his hand and then right after climax has anal sex with the partner he just got off. As you say, that’s going to be uncomfortable.
Thanks for being part of the hop, Kimber!
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October 14th, 2013 at 10:59 am
I still like the original BACK TO THE FUTURE…
parisfan_ca@yahoo.com
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October 15th, 2013 at 5:24 pm
I loved Beetlejuice and watched it over and over.
sstrode at scrtc dot com
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October 16th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
A lot of my favorite movies have been mentioned already so I will go with Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. Thank you for the chance to enter! wendynjason04@gmail.com
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October 17th, 2013 at 8:31 pm
Hi. Great post!
Dirty Dancing and I’m pretty sure Ferris Buellers was in the 80’s. loved them also love to watch them over an over.
Chris
ceagles48218@yahoo.com
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November 23rd, 2013 at 12:16 am
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