I Don’t Do Resolutions

But here is a list of some things I am going to try to do/do better for 2013.

First off, I know this is going to be a kick-ass year.  How do I know this?  Well, after my trip to the grocery store yesterday, I was bringing in my reusable bags and a container of strawberries fell out.  I caught it between my leg and the car.  It didn’t smash on the driveway.  All of my over-priced strawberries didn’t roll down our icy hill and into the road, and then the sewer drain.

You know why they didn’t?  Because that would have been so 2012.  Fuck that.  This is 2013, baby.  This is the year I don’t drop strawberries.  Presumably other good things will happen, as well.  It only makes sense.  That’s strawberry logic.

So, to assist the good luck fairies, or ladybugs, or heads-up pennies, or short green dudes (or whatever superstition supplies copious amounts of good fortune), I will strive to improve myself in the following areas….  Right-O.  I’ll make my own destiny and all that jazz.

1.  Drink no more than the doctor recommended 1-2 alcoholic beverages/day.  I actually started this in 2012 and plan to continue.  My liver says thank you, Kimber.  My friends probably think I’m lame now.  Oh, well.  Incidentally, I used to hang out with some doctors who did not follow said advice.  Just saying.  Hippocratic hypocrites.

2.  Exercise more.  I plan to put on a 1/2 hour TV workout once my Kindergartener gets home.  No way am I working out during kid-free time.  That won’t change for 2013.

3.  Write more.  So far this is my second blog post today, and I wrote about 600 words on my WIP.  That sucks.  I want at least 1000 a day, but I will get there today, as God as my witness.  I got sidelined looking at shirtless pics of Tom Hardy for inspiration and designing a cool memorial tattoo for my character, Lance.  I feel these were good and valuable uses of my kid-free time.

Here and here are some lovely links to Tom Hardy naked with his boyfriend from Band of Brothers.  How did I not see this until right now?  That is just the muse I needed.

4.  Take lots of vitamins and eat better.  I’ve had more homemade salsa in the past 24 hours than Taco Bell makes in a year (because they don’t make homemade salsa, but still–I ate a shit-load).  It was chock-full of veggies, beans, and even some lime and mango.  I will probably regret this later.

5.  Try to be more tolerant of idiots.  I have 3 kids.  That’s all I have to say.

6.  Ignore social media until the allotted times, and then set a fifteen minute hard stop when I do get on it.  It really is a productivity-suck.  And the worst part is, Facebook is largely annoying but for the occasional photos of half naked men on Wednesdays.  Why do I do it?

7.  Only check Facebook on Wednesdays.

8.  Masturbate more.  Hey, ya gotta have goals.

9.  Clean just a tiny bit more.  Or not.  Whatever.  Maybe just don’t have guests over.

10.  Be good to friends, family, and random strangers.  If we all do it, we could be living in that future world from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  Maybe even young Keanu Reeves will be there.  He might even have his shirt off.

Be excellent to each other.  Party on, dudes.

-Kimber

About Kimber Vale

Author of romance of all stripes. View all posts by Kimber Vale

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