Monthly Archives: December 2012

Helping Vampires to Save the World

Let’s face it. Vampires are sexy. Something about the undead stirs up our juices. Perhaps it’s their irresistible power. Even when we know the danger, we’re so very tempted to surrender to their all-consuming lust. Maybe we want to comfort them, to save them a lonely, bloody eternity. Maybe we secretly crave immortality ourselves.

Vampires are frequently portrayed as evil or at least amoral, viewing humanity from the jaded perspective of centuries. Now, though, vampires are doing their part to save the world.

Proceeds go to help Doctors Without Borders! :)

Proceeds go to help Doctors Without Borders! 🙂

Coming Together: In Vein is a brand new collection of vampire-themed erotica and erotic romance edited by Lisabet Sarai. All sales of this novel-length volume support Doctors Without Borders (MĂ©decins Sans Frontières). MSF works in nearly 70 countries providing medical aid to those most in need regardless of their race, religion, or political affiliation. Right now, despite being barred from the country, MSF doctors and nurses are in Syria, working with patients from both sides of the civil war. They’re performing surgery in caves and sneaking into refugee camps to distribute desperately needed medications.

Medecins Sans Frontieres

Medecins Sans Frontieres (Photo credit: Stephen Downes)

You can help MSF in its life-saving mission, simply by indulging your passion for vampires. Buy a copy of Coming Together: In Vein in ebook, Kindle format, or print. Enjoy! Then help spread the word! Every copy we sell has the potential to save someone’s life.

The list of contributors includes many names you’ll recognize. Every one of these authors has provided his or her work free of charge, to support the charitable aims of the project. Furthermore, the editor is giving away a free copy of her short story collection Body Electric  to everyone who buys a copy of Coming Together: In Vein. (For details of this offer, click here.)

You’ll find an excerpt below – just to whet your appetite.

Sink your teeth into Coming Together: In Vein. Help our vampires save the world. 

From “The New Normal” by Jay Lygon

I went to the doorway, but of course could not enter. That lanky shadow could only be Zoran.

“Is that really you, Dusan? You’re alive?” Clearly, he doubted.

“I’m not exactly dead.” Truth might have been be the first causality of war, but sometimes it refused to go gently into that good night—until some politician staked it through the heart. Like me, my version of the truth had one foot in the grave.

“You’ll be shot if you stand out in the open. It’s too dark to see the sniper warning, but this street is dangerous. Come inside, please.”

Zoran was still a foolish boy. Didn’t he think about where he was standing? After all, he was the one who studied folktales and myths at university. Back then I hadn’t understood how important that knowledge could be in the modern world, but since things had changed, I could have told him how the doorframe—splintered as it was—protected him from things far worse than snipers. The threshold was a place of powerful magic that divided the realm of the supernatural from the human. Two years ago, such an idea would have seemed laughably medieval, but conditions in Sarajevo had spun back to that point in time. Electricity and peace were the new fairytales.

The threshold was also the symbol of the body, inviolate. The old sicknesses could still kill you, as there were no hospitals or doctors left to speak of, but there were new diseases out there that were worse. Invite anyone to come inside at your peril. And yet, he pleaded with me.

Inside the foyer, Zoran immediately grasped me in the embrace I’d long dreamed of, but with a different sort of passion. I closed my eyes and wished the desperation was lust, not fear. With stiff arms, I hugged him back and murmured words of comfort. Yes, it’s me. No, I’m not a ghost. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Yes, I missed you.

He pulled back to shake my hand and kiss my cheeks three times. His face wasn’t exactly as I’d remembered it. It was more gaunt than before, and his brown eyes had lost some of their puppy dog openness. He tried to glance away from my stare, but couldn’t. He shouldn’t have looked into my eyes. I could have held him there forever. I could have compelled him to do things with his mouth that he’d only done in my fantasies.

That was an old hunger. It gnawed at me when I’d had my fill of blood and the rest of the night stretched before me. Regret was a terrible thing when it seemed it could haunt me for all eternity. Sentiment, or more likely pride, stopped me from commanding him to his knees, but I still took a kiss. Like the old days, he laughed and pulled away, but he didn’t push. Instead, he grasped my arm. A ropey blue vein crossed the back of his hand to his knuckle. It twitched with his pulse. Before my hungers overwhelmed me, I had to look away.

The foyer walls met at odd angles. Some artillery blast, maybe the one that destroyed my apartment, had knocked his building sideways. It made me feel as if I were falling even though I knew I wasn’t.

“Come on upstairs. Everyone will be so glad to see you again.” Zoran bounded halfway up the staircase before stopping to look over his shoulder at me. It was if we were in a different time, before the siege began, when we’d staggered into this foyer late at night. He’d jog up the stairs, sure I was behind him, while I held back and wondered if I could stand to watch him turn into someone else for his family. Reluctantly, then and now, I followed.

His butt flexed under his jeans, a mesmerizing sight as I followed it up the three flights to his family’s apartment. At the landing, he said, “You look hungry,” and I tried not to laugh. Did he have any idea what he was saying?

 

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Coming Together: In Vein

It’s out!  I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this one.

Proceeds go to help Doctors Without Borders! :)

Proceeds go to help Doctors Without Borders! 🙂

Find it on Smashwords and All Romance, and of course Amazon has both electronic and hard copies (if you like it hard–I know I do).  I just ordered my tree version.  Doctors Without Borders is thanking me right now.  My husband will be thanking me later.  Everyone wins here (except for the trees, but I’m a hardcore recycler, so screw you, guilt)!

The best news is, Lisabet Sarai, editor and author extraordinaire, is giving away a copy of her sexy anthology Body Electric to anyone who buys Coming Together: In Vein and sends her a pdf proof of purchase (expires Jan 31st 2013).  That’s two big books of short erotic fiction for the low low price of $2.99.  You’d spend more on a cup of coffee, and in this instance you can potentially discover a new favorite author, maybe get off (or close to it), and possibly even save a life via the proceeds, which go to help Doctors Without Borders.  Win-win-win, people!

Check out Lisabet’s offer over on her Sunday Snog blog post.  She also has some steamy excerpts up over there you will not want to miss!

-Kimber


Geek Lust: Erotic Stories About Hot Nerds

Happy release day, Geek Lust!  It’s finally here, the erotic anthology from Ravenous Romance, edited by F. Leonora Solomon!

As with all Ravenous anthos, this one is a mix of sexual scenarios of all stripes, with the common theme being NERDS NERDS NERDS NERDS!  Ms. Solomon has grouped the stories into four different categories, because we all know that geeks can really run the gamut.  We have Geek Lust, See You at the Conference, Enter the Library, and Let Me Adjust Your Bowtie, the last of which includes my tale “Analyzing Assets” which I realize should have a tremendous amount of ass-play given the title, but it doesn’t.  Still has some good old-fashioned, bend-her-over-a-desk, accountant/cleaning lady sex, though.  NERDS NERDS NERDS NERDS!

image

Here’s the Table of Contents:

Geek Lust
May the Force Bewitch You by Suleikha Snyder
Dirty Town by Shane Allison
That’s Mr. Male Nurse to You…by M.J. Mancini
Geek on Fire by Max Vos
A Friend Who Serves a Purpose by Madlyn March
Wonky Woopie by Jeanine McAdam

See You at the Conference
Conventional Loving by Raven de Hart
Bigger on the Inside by Robyn Avalon

Enter the Library
Baby Got Back Matter by Beckah Rose
Game, Set, and Wrestling Match by Rob Rosen
Straddling the Stroke Sea by Dirk Taylor

Let Me Adjust Your Bowtie
Dr. Kupfer’s Grand Design by Kaysee Renee Robichaud
Geeky Bowtie by Del Carmen
Analyzing Assets by Kimber Vale

Anyway, if you like smut in general, or maybe want to try reading some novel pairings all in one collection (M/F, M/M, menage), then this book has your number.  Of course, if you love the idea of a sexy geek…Geek Lust is your wet dream come true.  Just remember to put your spectacles and pocket protector someplace safe before the gymnastics start.

I leave you with a snippet from “Analyzing Assets,” by moi.

With airy nonchalance she bent and picked up her duster.
“You have come on your suit.” She smiled sweetly and he looked up from his papers with a quirked eyebrow. “Might want to get it to the dry cleaner before the next big meeting.”
And with that, she flounced out, never looking back.

-Kimber


The Second Semi-Annual Search Terms Review

And only seven months behind the first semi-annual search terms review, I’d say that “semi-annual” business can’t be refuted.  You can call me late to dinner (since I’m the one making it anyway), but don’t call me a liar.

Anyway, heading up the search terms pack, we have the ever present Anthony Kiedis and his mysterious penis.  Everyone apparently wants to know: What is it like?  Where does it hang out?  Does it have a nickname?  Do tricks?  Get into any hard-to-scratch places?

English: "Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). R...

English: “Anthony Kiedis (lead singer). Red Hot Chilli Pepper in concert at The Forum, Inglewood, California. Stadium Arcadium Tour.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As usual, I am just as curious and in the dark as the rest of you.  Apologies.

The next-highest is a newcomer in the search pool–experimental sex.  Fun!  Who doesn’t want to know more about experimental sex?  But I wonder what, specifically, my searchers hoped to find?  Experimental positions?  Bunsen burners and beakers kinda shit?  Kink (’cause Bunsen burners don’t fall under kink–right)?  Same sex couplings?  I don’t know.  I’d love to broaden my (and your) horizons, but I’m afraid the horizon is simply too broad.

That being said, I’ve got some kinky Dr. Jekyl/Mrs. Hyde stuff thrusting around my head at the moment.  It might bear further examination.

Third, our favorite Matt Bomer makes his appearance.  People want him to do porn.  That’s all I can deduce.  For the record, I would watch it.  Twice.

Our forth-place search is the ever delightful “Cowboy Erotica.”  We love sexy cowboys, and with good reason.  They’re sexy.  And they’re cowboys.

After a few more versions of Anthony Kiedis searches (cock size and fan fic), we, happily, have searches for me, Kimber Vale.  That makes sense, seeing as how this is my damn blog and not Anthony Kiedis’.  If, however, he wants author privileges here, I will grant them in exchange for a live measuring of the organ we’re all so interested in (measurements taken by Yours Truly, of course).

Now that the winners have been credited, lets roll on to the funny, the weird, and the downright disturbing…

Show me the sexiest cowboy calendar.”  It’s like “show me the money” or the answer to a  Jeopardy question.  Does this person always Google this way?  Seems like a lot of unnecessary typing.  Show me “free gay porn” for a thousand, Alex!

Gay songs for gay people.”  Not to be confused with gay songs for straight people.  Whatever, this search promises some fun tunes.  It must, because it landed someone on my blog, and I only post fun tunes.

Oh, wait.  That’s an angry tune for angry people.  Actually, I chose this because I am going to see these guys tomorrow night.  Buyah.

Best alcohol for an erection tequila.”  Sounds like you just answered your own question, buddy.

Romance novels that talk about fucking dick and pussy.”  Yup.  Next time, search erotica and save your fingers the trouble.

Why did you spank my clit Daddy?”  For the record, I don’t write this sub-genre of smut.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Seems this question would be better answered in an e-mail or phone call, rather than a Bing search.  Badda bing, badda bang, Daddy.

Why does anal sex feel so right yet so wrong?”  Who says it’s wrong?  Your mother?  Your proctologist?  Whatever!  It’s my ass, I’ll do with it what I want.  Someone pass me the Preparation H, will ya?

How does smurf in wizard of oz looks like?”  Excuse me.  What?

Draino margarita.”  Well, it’s an old family recipe, but since we’re so close and I trust you implicitly, I gift you with the deets.  Take one part Draino.  Mix with one part tequila.  Rocks or straight up, your choice.  Puke it into the sink with the slowest drain, flush both pipes with hot water, and see your doctor immediately.

Blow job plastic bib.”  I love this one!  I just picture a lobster bib only it has a picture of a huge, dripping cock on the front.  Tie one on before your next romantic encounter!  Monica Lewinsky sure wishes she did!  Slurp.

And, finally, “How do I talk dirty without being too VLOGGER.”  Just talk dirty on your BLOG, my friend.  Keep it church clean on the VLOG.  You Tube will totally ban you for that shit.

Thanks for all the fab search material, friends!  Don’t forget to tip your waiter!

-Kimber


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