The Hunger Games: My Pseudo-Review

Lefty and I went to see Hunger Games last night.  I do believe this was the first time I attended a movie on an opening day/night.  I read the books a while back and we had been planning this date like a couple of lamo Twihards (only older and much cooler, for the record.  Also for the record, I enjoyed making fun of the Twilight movies, and nothing else). 

I had an impromptu discussion with a random mom at the playground yesterday about all the Hunger Buzz.  She hadn’t read the books, so I told her she must get busy on that and then watch the movie next weekend.  Not sure she’ll take my advice.  Especially after I bashed Twilight knowing full-well she and her teenage daughter read them/watched them together and were fans.  But, seriously, I’m just trying to steer you toward a “real” plot line and “real” writing.  Try it on for size; you may like how it fits.

Anyway, this mom said she heard that she would like Hunger Games because it’s similar to Twilight in that both have a love triangle.  Katniss has to pick between Peeta and Gale just as what’s her face has to pick between the two half-human goons.

I was like, what?  That is so not the allure/point/relevant part of the story at all.  I mean, is there a wee bit of romance to keep the little girly-girls hanging on the edge of their seats?   Yeah, just a little.  But, as I told her, the books are appealing because—wait for it—Katniss kicks ass!  There.  Sorry for the spoiler.  The books are about a selfless and strong girl prevailing in a death arena and at the same time, causing a revolutionary spark.

It’s not about whether Edward is cuter than wolf-boy whatever the hell his name was.  Put a freakin’ shirt on.  Oh, no?  Because you won’t have anything at all going for you without the pecs on display?  Yeah.  We all know already.  And don’t get me started on “make that dumb face again because the camera loves it” Bella.  Puke.  But I’ll stop defiling my post with that crap.

And I’ll thank anyone else who is so inclined, not to defile Hunger Games with ridiculous Twilight comparisons.

Let the young ladies of the world watch/read it and appreciate a balls-to-the-wall heroine who does what she does—wait for it—for the love of her sibling!!!  No boys even make her radar.  She takes Prim’s place to save her, and wins the games so she can go home and keep feeding her baby sister because her mom is a waste of space.

Shock me, shock me.  But even the kiss with Peeta—especially in the book—was contrived to gain sympathy from all of the Games viewers.  Not because she wants to get in his pants.  Or make Gale jealous.  Or get a piggy-back ride at vampire-speed through the woods so she can watch her boyfriend sparkle in the sunlight.  She’s just trying to get them both out of there alive.

Speaking of getting in pants– if I got to choose a pair from the Hunger Games movie (and it wasn’t illegal to seduce underage boys) I would pick—wait for it—Seneca Crane’s cream-colored pants!  That’s right; I liked those way better than the teenager pants.  Applause!  I’m not one for facial hair, but Wes Bentley‘s was decidedly tattoo-like and I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for my delicious dream last night.  XOXO, Wes.

Too bad those pants won’t make it to the next movie. L

Sorry for the spoiler.

Anyway.  Hunger Games.  I know you haven’t heard of it, but see if a movie theater/book store near you has it available.  It’s good.

Related articles

• The Hunger Games: No thanks, I’m full (justincalderone.com)
• ‘The Hunger Games’ Spawns New Genre Of Music (997now.cbslocal.com)
• Welcome to the 74th Annual Hunger Games! (efreese33.wordpress.com)
• 7 Reasons To Watch ‘The Hunger Games’ This Weekend (socialitelife.com)
• The Hunger Games – Not Just Another Teen Movie (surlygurls.net)
• Is ‘The Hunger Games’ Too Violent For Your Children? (boston.cbslocal.com)