Monthly Archives: March 2012

Interview with Armand Rosamilia–Editor of Rymfire Erotica: An Erotic Horror Anthology

Kim Krodel

1.     You seem to like zombies.  Any one movie or book that ignited that passion?

The Rising by Brian Keene. Before that book I was a big fan of zombie movies, but never read anything. I didn’t think it would be something I’d like to read about, since most zombie movies follow a pretty strict format. I was pleasantly surprised when I read Keene’s book, and then devoured the rest of them. Then I went looking for more…

2.     Do you find it easier or more enjoyable to write male or female protagonists?  If you have a preference–why?

Strangely (and I blogged about that not too long ago), I don’t have a preference. I used to write strictly male characters because I’m a male and didn’t think I could do justice to a female main character. When I started writing the Darlene Bobich stories (Darlene Bobich:…

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The Hunger Games: My Pseudo-Review

Lefty and I went to see Hunger Games last night.  I do believe this was the first time I attended a movie on an opening day/night.  I read the books a while back and we had been planning this date like a couple of lamo Twihards (only older and much cooler, for the record.  Also for the record, I enjoyed making fun of the Twilight movies, and nothing else). 

I had an impromptu discussion with a random mom at the playground yesterday about all the Hunger Buzz.  She hadn’t read the books, so I told her she must get busy on that and then watch the movie next weekend.  Not sure she’ll take my advice.  Especially after I bashed Twilight knowing full-well she and her teenage daughter read them/watched them together and were fans.  But, seriously, I’m just trying to steer you toward a “real” plot line and “real” writing.  Try it on for size; you may like how it fits.

Anyway, this mom said she heard that she would like Hunger Games because it’s similar to Twilight in that both have a love triangle.  Katniss has to pick between Peeta and Gale just as what’s her face has to pick between the two half-human goons.

I was like, what?  That is so not the allure/point/relevant part of the story at all.  I mean, is there a wee bit of romance to keep the little girly-girls hanging on the edge of their seats?   Yeah, just a little.  But, as I told her, the books are appealing because—wait for it—Katniss kicks ass!  There.  Sorry for the spoiler.  The books are about a selfless and strong girl prevailing in a death arena and at the same time, causing a revolutionary spark.

It’s not about whether Edward is cuter than wolf-boy whatever the hell his name was.  Put a freakin’ shirt on.  Oh, no?  Because you won’t have anything at all going for you without the pecs on display?  Yeah.  We all know already.  And don’t get me started on “make that dumb face again because the camera loves it” Bella.  Puke.  But I’ll stop defiling my post with that crap.

And I’ll thank anyone else who is so inclined, not to defile Hunger Games with ridiculous Twilight comparisons.

Let the young ladies of the world watch/read it and appreciate a balls-to-the-wall heroine who does what she does—wait for it—for the love of her sibling!!!  No boys even make her radar.  She takes Prim’s place to save her, and wins the games so she can go home and keep feeding her baby sister because her mom is a waste of space.

Shock me, shock me.  But even the kiss with Peeta—especially in the book—was contrived to gain sympathy from all of the Games viewers.  Not because she wants to get in his pants.  Or make Gale jealous.  Or get a piggy-back ride at vampire-speed through the woods so she can watch her boyfriend sparkle in the sunlight.  She’s just trying to get them both out of there alive.

Speaking of getting in pants– if I got to choose a pair from the Hunger Games movie (and it wasn’t illegal to seduce underage boys) I would pick—wait for it—Seneca Crane’s cream-colored pants!  That’s right; I liked those way better than the teenager pants.  Applause!  I’m not one for facial hair, but Wes Bentley‘s was decidedly tattoo-like and I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for my delicious dream last night.  XOXO, Wes.

Too bad those pants won’t make it to the next movie. L

Sorry for the spoiler.

Anyway.  Hunger Games.  I know you haven’t heard of it, but see if a movie theater/book store near you has it available.  It’s good.


A Bunch of Polls: Your Vote Doesn’t Count at All!

Someone start frying up the pierogis!  What?  Not those kind?  Well, perhaps next time I can convince a handful of my wonderful Polish pals to guest blog.  But until then, I ask your opinion on everything I can possibly pull out of my ass.

And, incidentally, answer truthfully, please.  Despite my facetious attitude, I will base my future on your reaction.  Pretty please don’t drill me a new one.

Here goes.

Feel free to get yourself a refreshing beverage.   Perhaps an ice-cold soda.  This is very taxing.  Like the SATs.

[Whip-cracking sound]

Back to work, you lazy bastards.  I’ll take that Fanta out of your paycheck!

I will let that conclude my asinine polls post.  Remember to get out there and vote; even if it’s only for the guy who sucks less than the other guy.  Study hard.  Stay in school.  He’s only saying he loves you to get in your pants.  Your mom really knows what you did last summer, she just doesn’t want to talk about it.  A penny saved is not much.  A stitch in time is best left to your grandma.  She has nothing better to do anyway.

You’re welcome.

Damn you spell check.  Stop messing with my pierogis.


Sometimes it’s Better to Shut Up

Today I took the smallest fruit of my loins to a kiddy soccer class.  We went once before, and we have a couple of friends and acquaintances in the class.  Normally, I don’t do many programs with the kids.  I just don’t want to have to get up and get moving every single day for, say kiddy soccer.  Library we do, because, duh; it’s books.  No one in my house is going to succeed or fail in life based on whether or not they did a four-year-old sport.  Reading?  I could see that being important down the road.   

But anyhoo, once we arrived, I signed us up for the next fútbol session.  My friends told me to.  I’m an easy mark for peer pressure.  Could be the sucker tattoo on my forehead.

 

So, to get to the ever-loving point of my post, I notice a woman (obviously a parent, sitting on the bleachers) whom I had met once before.  Now, the once before was at a women’s night out with a friend (who has since moved, we’ll call her Pammy).  Pammy invited me out with three other women from her church group.  Now Pammy (not an ex-friend, just to be clear–she moved, but she still tolerates my shit) asked me along in a “you need to get out and should totally come with us–my friends will love you” kind of moment.  I was probably complaining about how the meaning of Mother’s Day has gone the way of the Dodo and she took pity on me.

 

As I recall, it was Mother’s Day two years ago, and I was pissed at my husband for going for a near-half-marathon run for a couple of hours on the day that was supposed to be mine.  Now, all of you mothers out there who love to spend your one day a year with your kids/family–that is truly sterling.  For you.  Me?  I think that Mother’s Day is the one day a year that I should get to pretend I’m not a mother.  That’s a happy Mom’s Day in the Vale household.

 

So anyway, there I was, seething, throwing back Jack Daniel’s, and chopping down an eight-inch-thick tree that looked at me the wrong way.  My old man had gone out running and then showered for an additional hour.  I don’t call him Pretty Boy Vale for nothing–the guy requires way more prep time than I do.

 

Well, I offed that damn tree and may or may not have showered after.  Let’s say, for the sake of the story that I did, in fact, at least rinse the important parts before getting dressed and meeting the ladies out for pizza and beer.

 

Now, I already had a lovely little buzz on before arriving at the set location.  Let’s also say, for the sake of this story, that I was carpooling with Pammy. 

 

So Pammy makes the intros, hands shaking all around.  The waitress comes over to our pretentious, beat nick couches and I order a beer.  I believe approximately 2.5 of the other women present also had a beer.  One beer.  We eat pizza, I have another beer, meanwhile regaling everyone with the tales of my crappy Mother’s Day and showing off my tree-slaying guns.  I get stuck sitting next to a mousy little woman who didn’t have much to say, and with whom it was quite evident I had absolutely nothing in common.  Fine.  We made it work.  I was drunk and entertaining.  Everything was rainbows and mango hot sauce.  I completed my Mother’s Day binge with a final glass of Jack, more to shock and appall the church ladies than anything else.

 

When I spoke with Pammy the next day, worried I had made a drunken spectacle of myself; she assured me that everyone thought I was a lot of fun and simply blowing off some steam after a bad day.

 

Well, I am.  And I did.

 

Sooooo, back to soccer today.  I see the mousy woman I sat next to that night.  “Shit,” I think, after I figure out how I know her, “if she looks at me, I should say ‘hi’ so I don’t look rude.”  Cue the next eye lock.

 

“Hey!  How are you?”  I say. 

 

I’m sitting on the floor, mind you, because there was no more bleacher space by the time I arrived late, so, essentially, I am on display for every parent present.  Yippee!

 

The mouse woman looks at me curiously.  Now, just to note, she doesn’t look behind her to see if I am perhaps lazy-eyed and am speaking with someone over her shoulder.  But she doesn’t reply at all, either.  Knows I’m addressing her, and just looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Everyone else thinks I’m an idiot too.  I can see it as they look back and forth between us.

“I met you at that girls’ night out,” I say.  “At the fancy pizza place.”  I look to my BFF for a little help, let’s call her Lefty. 

“Flat Bread?”  Says Lefty.  She’s my go-to person when I draw a blank on people and place names.  I can say, “You know that guy, who was in that movie with the chick–oh what’s her name–who was in the movie with that guy, you know, ‘the two yutes’ movie?”  And she’ll be like “Mickey Rourke?”  And I’ll lick her ear.  She’s great at that game.

 

Anyway, Steph, I mean Lefty says “Flatbread?”  And I’m all, “YES!”  And another girl who I feel doesn’t like me all that much snickers “Flatbread is fancy pizza?”  And I’m thinking, “hipster couches and large pies that are pushing $30 a pop for their all-natural ingredients?  Yeah, that’s fancy pizza.”  She is not good at my mind-reading game.

 

So then Mousy looks down her glasses at me because maybe that will help her better recognize my fairly distinctive mug.  I start listing names of people who were there, talking about the tree I chopped down, and spiral out in a disbelieving, “I was drunk as a skunk and I remember you.”  You could almost hear a pin drop despite twenty screaming Jr. Pelés in the background.  She’s just shaking her head saying, “I’m sorry.”

 

Lefty’s parents were there, visiting from out of state.  She told me that when they got in the car to leave her dad said, “Did Kimber say she was drunk?”

 

In hindsight, I should have powered through.  Stood up and yelled, “What?  None of you here booze it up on occasion??!!!  Well, then, more for me!”  Then I should have grabbed someone’s Vitamin Water and chugged it, just to prove some non-existent point.  But you know what they say about hindsight.  It’s a mother fucker.  Maybe I should have gone with my gut and pretended that I didn’t recognize the woman.

That’s what Lefty would have done.  I need a bracelet or bumper sticker that says W.W.L.D.? 

All I know is I can’t wait to go back for more soccer shenanigans now that I’ve signed my name in blood.  Should be a great eleven weeks.

 

Think I’ll start bringing my Elvis flask.  For the purposes of this story, I would carpool.


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